No More Therapy

Last Thursday (September 20), I had my fourth and final session with Liron the psychologist. Although the sessions were slated to continue for three months, I could only agree with Liron that my anxiety was mainly under control and that the turmoil I’d felt that had caused me to seek psychological help in the first place was settling into broad acceptance of my fate. I guess there are patients who are unable to ‘hold’ their anxiety - as Liron put it, cupping his hands to indicate how anxiety metaphorically nestles - as well as I seem to be doing and therefore need his services more than I do. Also, if my fears and anxiety threaten to overwhelm me, I have several other options. In October, I’ll be beginning a yoga course called the Art of Living which has been adapted especially for breast cancer patients. (I understand that the difference between this course and the standard one is that we breathe more!) I’ve also made contact with the 1 in 9 organization and hopefully will be joining a support group very soon. I meditate and once a month have a session with Eran.

So the opportunity to plumb the depths of my sub-conscious and discover if there is anything there that contributed to my cancer is unavailable for now. Clearly, if I knew what thoughts and perceptions I have buried there, they would no longer be in my sub-conscious. I do think that the theory of flooding the mind with positive messages (I will survive, I am unique, and so on) to neutralize any sub-conscious negativity is seriously flawed. Any messages of this type would set up residence in my conscious mind rather than dislodge the contents of my unconscious mind.

But what if my sub-conscious is harboring massively positive, life affirming thoughts? I remember one afternoon in the waiting area for Accelerator 4 how one young woman was describing how her treatment was extended because the machine broke down so often and the thought that immediately leapt into my mind was, Well, that won’t happen to me! Of course it did, the very next day, and it hadn’t been repaired in time for my treatment the day after either. However faulty they might be, why would I want to expel such perceptions from my sub-conscious where all they are doing is making me happy and optimistic?