Coping

The internet is awash with advice and stratagems to prevent or cure cancer. Much of it is contradictory, unproven or unattributed. Serious sites, those that belong to or are endorsed by recognized institutions describe, inter alia, a range of clinical trials, the results of which frequently present conflicting evidence. The world of information, whether via the net, professionals in the field or the grapevine is a morass of confusion which no person who wishes to maintain a modicum of sanity can hope to fully navigate with inpunity.

From the beginning, I have tried to understand the facts of cancer and to find a path to follow that would best ensure my continued survival. Some of the questions I ask either have no answers or have answers I would need a degree in medicine or biology to begin to understand.

However, there was no doubt in my mind that I would entrust myself to the medical establishment and conventional treatment. Whatever the shortcomings of modern medicine and the fact that much about cancer remains mysterious, new information about the disease and innovations in treatment are constantly evolving and survival rates of cancer patients are increasing.

There are myriad alternative treatments out there on the internet, ranging from the practical to the mystical to the crackpot. Although I investigate and might even adopt an approach here and there, none of these treatments are subject to the intense and objective research of medical science. They therefore remain unproven and any examples of their purported success are anecdotal, unsupported by accepted norms of scientific research.

Whether I gravitated towards technical writing due to my almost obsessive need to understand the fundaments of any given issue or the profession simply honed my skill in doing so, my coping strategy has been to dissipate the fog that suffused me when I first received my diagnosis. Educating myself with solid data about the disease and the treatments I undergo promotes a semblance of control. I try to be methodical, but digressions, especially on the internet, are so tempting. Nonetheless, developing additional strategies to play a supporting role in my treatment is an ongoing process as their effectivity is tested over time.

I am still at a crossroads in terms of my eating habits. I find myself skipping from one nutrition authority to another, with no clear idea of what to adopt and what to eschew. In the meantime, I’m trying to maintain what is referred to as a well-balanced diet, and to eat plenty of salad greens and vegetables, limited but varied fruits and plenty of protein; to shun cow’s dairy products; reduce dairy and sugar intake. Some websites recommend eating only wholewheat products while others prohibit eating wheat at all. It’s very confusing.

I aim to introduce more harmony into my life. When going to work each day became a burden halfway through my radiation treatments, I decided to take a break until they were finished and felt an immediate lightness. In November, I will attend an Art of Living course, a yoga workshop specifically designed for breast cancer patients. I also spend more time meditating than in the past. This morning I tried a visualization exercise whereby bright, white little muscle-men killer cells hunted down ugly little bilious-green cancer cells and found a couple of them copulating behind a lobule. Unfortunately, the buzzer rang indicating the meditation session was over before the muscle-men could pulverize the bad guys. And I took Eran’s advice to cease double-checking the equipment and interrogating the technicians and instead had a conversation with God during my radiation treatments. It was actually very liberating but I’m relieved that the conversation remained one-sided.

I have been very gratified by the number of people who have offered to include me in their prayers. The intensity of the warmth I experience each time a request for my mother’s name is made must, at the very least, be equal to the efficacy of the act itself.

As for repressed childhood traumas and suppressed memories, well, they’re repressed and suppressed so I guess they’ll continue to remain unidentified until they present themselves in some recognizable form.

Caring people with the best of intentions need to draw on deep resources of sensitivity when offering suggestions, and recognize that we cancer patients are emotionally vulnerable. Sometimes it takes a while to find the path that is right for us but in the end, we adopt coping strategies that are based on our personal choice and inclinations, in the same way that we reach decisions regarding our religious beliefs or the way we style our hair. New insights and open discussion are stimulating, but there is a thin line between giving supportive advice and invalidating another person’s choices, for some, arrived at through painful and time-consuming enquiry. Confidence in our coping strategies can be fragile and their invalidation can cause us uncertainty and stress.

One of the best articles I’ve read on the web touches on this point: Being Positive